I saw the above quote on Pinterest and it summed up exactly how I was/am feeling. I met with my realtor and a stager for my house, and the fact that my current place would soon no longer be my home hit me like a sack of bricks. I didn’t think I would feel like this. I didn’t think that I would be overcome with emotion. I guess letting go is much harder than we anticipate sometimes.
I’ve only called two places home in my entire life; this house and my childhood home. You can read about my childhood home, here. It’s the place I always think about when the song “The House that Built Me” comes on the radio. And now there will be two places that come to mind, because my current house also fits the picture. I have laughed, loved, lived, and learned so much in this place. It truly feels like a piece of me will remain when I close the door for the last time. There are memories from projects that my dad helped me with on the board and batten in the entryway. I have a hard time letting go of the guest bathroom because it was the first time I felt legit with a project because I did it without my Dad’s help. That project gave me a lot of confidence. I don’t want to let go because I am doubtful that something this great will happen again. Logically I know that’s not true. But when is our heart and our brain ever on the same page? I’ve been on the fence about moving on from this place for a while. My gut just isn’t sure if leaving right now is the right thing to do…..
I had a 5 year plan with this house and my time is about up. Plans can always change; I shouldn’t feel stuck with this self-imposed deadline. But I know I get excited when I look at places on the MLS and think “Oh I could do this with the bathroom, or try this in the kitchen.” There are parts of me that are so ready for a new adventure and others that say “SIKE, let’s just place this safe and stay a little longer.” I’m overwhelmed with the thought of packing and making changes to all the hard work I’ve done over the last 4.5 years. I’m also afraid of the uncertainty of how moving will impact my Etsy shop. I’m just getting started and I don’t want to put things on pause and lose momentum. There are only so many hours in the day and I spend 9 of them at my day job, so the amount of time I have left over will ultimately have to be divided between the Etsy shop and moving and new house projects.
I’ve talked with some close advisors about this decision to weigh all my options and voice my concerns and see what their thoughts were. It’s a big, expensive, life changing decision. When I talk about it, it sounds like I don’t want to move and find a new place. For some reason I’m having trouble accepting that may be true and that it’s okay to feel that way. I even called my mom to ask her to just make the decision for me. She wouldn’t but definitely listened to all of my concerns and understood my feelings. She helped me figure out that there’s never going to be a PERFECT time to move. That it would be most ideal to move during the summer when things wouldn’t impact business during the fall and holiday season. So maaaaaybe now is the right time (lots of confidence in this statement, huh?). I guess I’m still looking for this glaring definitive sign that boldly says “Take This Path Please.”
To be honest it’s really helped to put all of my thoughts and the feelings I have swirling around in my head in this post. Sometimes you just need to say out loud everything that is going on in your head. You may not get any questions answered, but a nice word vomit of EVERYTHING can really help. My next great adventure of DIY will be just as great as the first. Everything will come together as it’s meant to be. I plan to share my learning experience of getting my house ready to sell and the process of buying a new one, so stay tuned…….