Thinking out loud

Disclaimer: This post may seem like a jumbled mess, which it probably is. But sometimes blogging is just a opportunity to get all of your thoughts out of your head and out into the world.

I’m usually pretty good at making decisions. I see things in black and white. It’s either yes or no; there’s not a lot of room for in between. I trust my gut; it rarely steers me wrong. However, I love this quote by Steve Jobs. I aspire to be this kind of person.

Living on Saltwater - Follow Your Heart

I’m also pretty impatient. I don’t like to dilly-dally. I’m a “Let’s get the show on the road,” “pick a fork to take and get a move on” kinda girl. I don’t deal with gray areas really well. It’s kinda ironic then that I seem to paint walls, furniture, etc. every shade of gray there is.

My Kitchen and Dining Room is gray…..

Living on Saltwater - Kitchen Table Refurbish - Chalk Paint - Provence

My bedroom is gray……and so is the headboard I made

Living on Saltwater - Gray Bedroom

The dresser I painted in my room is gray…..

Living on Saltwater - Furniture Painting - Before & After

The dresser in the guest room is gray…..

Living on Salwater - Guest Room Dress After

Even my car is gray…..

Baby 2

Maybe my subconscious is telling me I need to embrace gray in all aspects of my life.

As much as I see the world in black and white, or try to fit everything into an either/or category, it’s a gray world out there. My problem with gray areas is that they are hard to navigate logically, especially when it comes to dating. As much as I love to fill by pro/con lists with experiences and deal breakers along the way, when it comes down to it, I rely on this big summation of feelings (which is this huge gray ball of mess, in my mind).

So what’s a girl like me to do when someone says they doesn’t know if what they want to do about situation? My feelings say “I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet.” That is exactly how I would define my status. I’m not 100% about the situation either; I guess the only difference is that the door is still open for me. I’m standing here, putting myself out there, waiting for someone to come stand next to me and say “I’m not ready to throw in the towel either.” The realist in me feels like the “I don’t know” response is an answer to the situation, but the sliver of optimist in me hopes maybe I’m wrong.

Usually my default response to things like this is to say “F— it!” This is mostly in an effort to project myself. I hate being vulnerable; I’m really awful at it.

So I stand here wondering if I’ve made the right choice to not throw in the towel yet. Because logically my mind says “F— it!” but my heart is softly saying “give it some time.” I keep thinking back to this one sentence from this Elite Daily article I read last week.

Living on Saltwater - Follow your Heart.

I think in the end I will regret not following my heart….what do I really have lose?

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