I’m a firm believer of always moving forward in life, but sometimes I’m too picky at things on a first glance. I think to myself, “Should have given that a chance?” Too often than not, that second chance back track turns out just like I thought it would…..it wasn’t for me.
I guess I feel guilty sometimes for being picky; that I’ve somehow done myself a disservice. But, let me pause right here for a second, because “picky” is a bad word to use to describe who I am. I’m decisive. I know what I like. I know what I don’t like. And there is no need to apologize for either of those things. I don’t want to waste time doing things, I know are not for me. My time is precious. It’s a constant battle of trying to find balance of work, exercise, social activities, DIY projects, family, etc. I CANNOT do it all, although I try to at times. Balance in my life as an introvert also means I need time to myself to recoup and recharge. I need dedicated time to do nothing and just veg out.
Recently closed doors, previous forks in the road, and other decisions have popped up in my life. This past week a guy asked me out. This would have been our THIRD first date. I agreed because I felt guilty that I hadn’t given him a real chance. But after thinking about it, if something was going to happen, it would have F-ING happened already. He’s nice, but he’s not for me. I’m also not in the mood for dating at the moment. I’m kinda done with it and it’s just not the season for me to be dating (because for everything there is a season). I can’t explain why it isn’t my season for dating, except that it just doesn’t feel right and I have ZERO patience for it, at the moment.
When it comes to being decisive, maybe I’ve feel guilty because I’ve been trying to live in the gray; to see things other than black and white, to make decisions that are somewhere in between two extremes. As a perfectionist my life is usually lived in black and white; there’s not a middle ground, so living in the gray is challenging for me. But being decisive is not a bad thing; it helps weed out unnecessary distractions. Most of the time I operate under the notion that once a door is closed there is no going back. Because of this philosophy, I make decisions carefully and make damn sure that I’m closing a door for good. I don’t believe in searching for answers in the past. Those doors are securely locked/dead-bolted/superglued shut. People, situations, phases of life come and go for a reason and if they go then it wasn’t meant to be a permanent fixture in your life. You also have to know when to set boundaries and exclude things from your life that aren’t helping you progress. It’s okay to be selfish and look after yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you.
So all you can do is keep moving forward; it’s as easy a putting one foot in front of the other. You’ve got to keep you head down, eyes up and be focused on your own goals and avoid distractions that aren’t going to help reach those goals. And anything that pops up in the rear view is only a distraction…..