I saw this quote on Pinterest the other day, and it sums up how I feel about 2016, the events that have transpired, the doors that have opened, the doors that have closed, and the perfectly time opportunities that have appeared out of nowhere that I wasn’t exactly searching for.
It hasn’t been a perfect start to 2016; “perfect” is a 4-letter word in my life. The first 4 months of this year have given me more than I could ask for. I’ve been riding this creative wave and I’m thriving on each and every DIY project I’ve worked on. Nothing has felt forced. If I’ve run into road blocks, I took a step back to regroup and find a new vision. It’s hard to explain what changed for this year, compared to last, to foster this positive attitude, environment, and calmness. Life feels COMPLETELY different compared to 2015. I’ve learned to live in the gray, not let negativity in my life, and make the best decisions for me, regardless of what other people say. People are always going to have an opinion, haters are going to hate, and it’s easy to judge someone from afar. But typically all is not what it seems to be. I refuse to let people or shit bring me down. If it’s not my monkey and not my circus, it doesn’t get any of my energy. Because I ain’t got time for it.
This year has challenged me in so many good ways. I have been more driven, motivated, and focused. I am living life for me on my terms. I’ve learned to be true to myself and my goals. I’ve stuck with my fitness plan. I’m only going to crossfit twice a week. I strategically plan my days around workouts that are not focused on shoulder lifts, because I don’t want bigger traps. I scale the weight appropriately so that I’m still getting a good workout, building strong bones, and some muscle, but not bulking up. I’ve gotten comfortable being me and only being in competition with myself.
Some unexpected opportunities have opened up this year. Timing in life is key, and I like for everything to come together in the timeline that I’ve mapped out in my head. But nothing ever goes according to plan. Sometimes the universe presents an opportunity it knows you’re ready for but too scared to go after on your own.
I’ve become much more comfortable living in gray areas this year. As a perfectionist I struggle with gray and uncertainty, always wanting everything to fall in a “this” or “that” category. But real life is lived in the gray. You can’t choose the hand you’re dealt; sometimes you’re dealt a pretty shitty hand. That doesn’t mean you can’t win; it just means the odds aren’t in your favor and you’re strategy will have to change.
The reference to the title of this post is an Eric Church song. It’s a heart break song. His heart break causes him to turn to old records and he reconnects with music to heal. My favorite line is
My situation isn’t quite the same. There’s been no heart break, no leaving, just a year of being In the Middle of Nowhere. And I think when the year reset on January 1st my scoreboard was lit up. Because you can only truly appreciate the light when you’ve experienced the dark.