One night in the wee hours during my first busy season in public accounting I announced that I was D-O-N, done. I was DONE with the audit, with my assignments, with working ungodly hours, and that I was ready to go home. I was delirious from the almost 10 weeks of busy season, working 6 days a week and over 60 hours a week that I forgot the “E.” (I’m a terrible speller anyways so blaming it all on being delirious might not be 100% accurate.) Crazy mistakes like this just stick with you and it became an inside joke with that audit team. One particular coworker has never let me forget it either.
D-O-N is currently how I feel about another area in my life…..dating. I don’t know how else to describe how I feel about it. I am D-O-N putting effort into something that continues to return results that are not my ultimate goal. (Yes, I have learned so much over the last couple of years, but I’m D-O-N learning for the time being). I have made it a priority in life, after so many years of not making it a priority, but I am not any more closer to my goal than I was before. So what’s the point!?
Part of me hates backing out/dropping the ball on a goal/resolution that I wrote about at the beginning of the year, here. I ALWAYS follow through on my commitments and my word. If I say I’m going to do something, you can count on it. But, this is different. This goal was just for me and my life. I’ve been reevaluating things and I’ve come to this conclusion……
I CANNOT continue to put effort into something that I truly have no control over. I CANNOT continue allocating moments of my precious time to something that is not, and has a perfectly excellent track record, of yielding zero desired results. There are countless amazing things in my life that are requiring my focus and attention that are making me truly happy. And the crazy thing is, that each one of these things has randomly happened and flowed into my life unexpectedly with little to no effort on my part. I am starting an amazing new job that just popped up out of nowhere. I have been in this incredible creative space for the entire year that started off with a random project at the beginning of the year. This summer is filled with so many concerts, beach trips, and events that are already planned. I really can’t ask for anything else my life at the moment; so all I can do is focus on all of these great things. When I think about the significant things that have happened in my life, (college, grad school, internships, jobs, etc.) each decision/life event has been because the stars aligned and presented an unexpected opportunity at the right place and the right time.
If I’ve learned anything from this year thus far, it’s to go with the flow that life’s taking you. What feels right, feels right. There’s no use in swimming upstream. Sometimes this means altering your path and going back on a commitment. Maybe I’ll feel differently in a couple of weeks or months, maybe I won’t. All I know is how I feel right now, and that’s I’m fucking D-O-N.